The joys of housekeeping
are many, having an apparently clean hygienic home to live in is an
important feature of
this past time.
By scrolling down the
page, you will learn all you need to know to have a safe clean happy home,
that you will be proud to have visitors just drop in to.
THE
BATHROOM
What a yukky and most
hated job.What I do,
(but please don't reveal
this trick to anyone I know)
is this,
I always leave a can
of Ajax on the Toilet Cistern,
with a damp sponge
on top of it.
What this does is make
any unsuspecting person,
who may wander into
my plaque
covered bathroom, think
that I am just about to clean it.
DUSTING
This may well be the
biggest waster of time ever devised.
My dear, late friend,
Sister Mary Dazy Chain,
proved that after 7
years of not dusting,
it reaches a point
where it never gets any worse.
The disturbing thing
is that he proved that
theory true to 14 years,
before he passed on.
The secret is to return
everything
to the exact spot from
where it came,
so cleaner spots cannot
be seen,
and dont open the windows
or the curtains.
IF you follow that
rule,
you may well find that
it just never gets any worse
no matter how long
you intend to prove it over.
WASHING
UP THE
DISHES
Now for all the peasants
who do not have a dishwasher,
here is the tried and
tested
lick and serve secret
method to a happy kitchen.
Have all the plates
and bowls stacked up
in their different
piles.
Now the secret here
is to be aware of food mixing.
Keeping in mind what
have cooked for this meal,
lick your finger,
and progressively wipe
it across each plate,
tasting your finger
in between each wipe.
When you find a flavour
(or after a few months
of doing this, a blend of flavours)
that will match the
meal,
you have found your
plate to serve your meal on
You can go for years
and years
before ever having
to wash up again
with this fabulous
idea.
IRONING
This chore can be covered
by only one rule,
find a lover who is
silly enough to do it for you,
or
check in the local
paper
for an ironing person
to do it for you.
And it will never bother
you again
LAUNDRY
Guess whose mums got
a Whirlpool????.
Not me I have a Simpson.
Laundry,yuk.
If you have a lover,
get one that is the
same size as you,
and wear his clothes
when yours run out,
that way you can wait
at least another week
before bothering with
the laundry.
Or better still,
get a lover the same
size as you,
who happens to be into
dirty jockstraps,
and raunchy clothes,
and
you may never have
to wash again.
VACUUMING
THE
FLOOR
first pour a cup of
coffee, sit down and relax.
Now, look over the
floor, how does it really look.
Does it look dirty?????,
pour another cup and
look again.
It is never as it first
appears.
If you go round and
pick up all the obvious bits,
such as used condoms,
spent lube packs,
false eyelashes,old
newspapers,
in fact, anything that
can be picked up,
you will be quite surprised
to find
that the vacuuming
can wait another week at least.
WINDOW
CLEANING
I have not cleaned
a window in years.
I figure that in Winter,
there is nothing to look at,
so why open the curtains
anyway,
and in Summer, if you
open the windows,
it will make a mockery
of the not dusting theory.
Leave curtains and
windows shut at all times,
and the other problems
of
housekeeping will disappear.
A
HAT BY THE DOOR
Oh girlfriends and
I almost forgot the most important part
the HAT,
what has this to do
with housekeeping you wonder,
EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who wants to be disturbed
by unwanted guests.
If you keep your hat
by the door, you are prepared.
Pop it on your head
before answering the door.
If you want to see
them, you explain how luck they are,
